| meeting a beautiful girl off faceparty |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|05:36 pm] |
i met amy in cardiff yesterday. i felt sick with nerves in the morning. i came online in the hope that she would have emailed me in the night to cancel for some reason so i didn't have to go and i could stop being nervous. but she didn't. so it looked like i was going to have to go. i got to town eventually, i missed the train to birmingham and only just got on the bus but i did get to town 25 minutes before my train. i was convinced my nerves were going to make me sick, but they didn't, so that was good.
the train arrived and it was packed, i had planned on reading my muse book on the train which i bought specially for the journey. i thought there'd be no chance. but i was in luck, the train practically emptied. got a seat all to myself and started reading to take my mind off the nerves. i texted amy to let her know i was on my way. and there was no going back.
an hour and 20 minutes later i arrived in cardiff. i went through the ticket barrier and could see the statue amy had told me about: she was going to meet me there. but i couldn't see her. i thought she wasn't going to turn up. then i saw this girl jumping towards me. it was her. she threw her arms around me and we hugged, it was so nice. then we walked off towards the town centre and she linked arms with me almosy immediately. i hadn't expected it but i wasn't going to complain. we went round town for a bit (guitar shop :p) and then headed for a park. we had planned on lying in some grass for a while so amy could read a muse feature in a magazine i'd bought with me. but the weather made that impossible, the rain had been awful in the morning.
we entered the park and stopped by a little bridge over a river outside cardiff castle. i showed amy the magazine and she got all excited. then we hugged for a bit, and eventually i asked her if i could kiss her. after a slight hesitation, her answer was yes. it was beautiful. here was this amazingly attractive, wonderful girl, and she had allowed me to kiss her. i didn't feel i deserved it but it was magic all the same.
after all this was over we walked off into the main part of the park. we walked hand in hand, talking about anything that came to mind. we stopped every so often to hug and kiss each other, and talk a bit. then each time we carried on through the park. eventually we got to a river with a bridge going across it. i should point out here that i can't remember the last time i was so cold. it was absolutely freezing, up till now we had been fairly sheltered but the river was totally open. still, it was worth the freezing cold to be with her. we came to a bench which was dry despite the rain from earlier. we sat there for a while and did some more hugging, kissing and talking, before making our way back through the park towards cardiff city centre.
as we were coming out of the park amy saw some of her mates and she hid us from them till they had gone, which was amusing. then we made our way to starbucks... and her mates were there! she spoke to them for a couple of minutes then we went to another starbucks. that was so nice of her when she could easily have hung round with her mates. so then we sat in starbucks for a while whilst amy took a couple of weeks to drink her hot chocolate. then i got some lunch... i got it in boots, i love the way the sales assistants always start talking to me when they see my staff discount card! was chatting for quite a while there. then we went back to the guitar shop and i play amy some muse stuff. i had learnt the dark shines intro because it's her favourite song... and i managed to forget it. i don't think she was too impressed. but then i remembered it so it was okaaay. stupid guitar kept going out of tune though, made showing off a bit difficult.
then we went to find somewhere, it had to be quiet, warm, and we had to be able to sit down and talk to each other. easier said than done. we were going to go down by the millenium stadium but amy said it would be too cold down there. so we made our way back towards the park, stopping at forbidden planet on the way so i could buy a couple of simpsons magazines. when we got to the park, we went and found a bench to sit on, they had all dried by now. when we got there we just sat by each other for something like 2 or 3 hours. sometimes arm in arm, sometimes holding hands, sometimes kissing each other. it made it unlike any other internet meetup i have ever had. other ones have been either in the middle of a city for the whole time, or in my room, with the tv, laptop and stereo as a distraction. for those 2 or 3 hours there were no distractions whatsoever. other than when a man walked past with his wife/girlfriend shouting and stuff. he later returned with a policeman, telling us he was being made to apologise for shouting.
apart from that, it was just the two of us. the cold didn't matter, i was just happy to be able to hold amy, and to kiss her as i pleased. there were moments i thought i had found true happiness. i thought to myself, "i don't need anything else. i could stay in this girl's arms forever and i would be more than happy. it would be perfect".
but. all good things have to come to an end. amy wasn't sure whether or not there was a bus home at quarter to 7. she knew there was one at quarter past 6. for this reason i told her i would get the train home an hour earlier (10 to 6) so that she wasn't waiting around by herself if there was no bus. so around 5-ish we made our way from the park, and back towards the station. my heart feels so heavy as i type this (emo after this we crossed the road and went over to the station. i went to look at the depature boards... and there was no train at all leaving at 10 to 6. no train back to birmingham. i went to the ticket desk and asked when the next train to birmingham was. and the woman told me that the train that should have gone from cardiff at 10 to 6 was starting from newport instead, which would have been the first station we got to had the train started from cardiff like it was meant to. she told me i would have to get a different train to newport and get the birmingham train from there. the train for newport was leaving there and then. i was told i would have to run or i wasn't going to get it. i would have been stuck in cardiff for another hour had i missed it. i had to leave amy quickly. it wasn't meant to be that way. our goodbye was meant to be long and slow. she wasn't meant to be snatched away from me so quickly like that. it hurt so much. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do, leaving her. i wanted to stay. or take her back to birmingham. but they were stupid ideas. i kissed her as much as i possibly could in the few remaining seconds we had together. and then i went through the ticket barrier, and she was gone from my life. i will probably never see her again. the only way not to feel the pain of leaving again will be to not go back and see her again. but that hurts too. there were tears in my eyes for nearly an hour on the two trains i had to catch. occasionally they rolled down my face. i couldn't bear the thought that every turn of the train's wheels took me further and further away from her. i want to be with her. i want a relationship with her and i want to be able to be with her in person. but neither can possibly happen. i could move to cardiff in 3 years time when i have finished university. if i get there. but we may both have moved on to other people by then. she has told me if we lived near each other it wouldn't be a problem. why do the best ones always live so far away?
amy was everything i could have hoped for. she made me laugh, she was fun to be around, i enjoyed talking to her. and she loves muse. but i can't have her because someone up there decided we weren't going to live near each other.
whilst me and amy were on the park bench, i saw a hairband around her wrist. i asked if it had been in her hair. she told me it had. i asked if i could have it, and she let me. she also put it in her hair in front of me so i knew it definitely had been in her hair. it smells of her. i am keeping it forever. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2004|10:55 pm] |
MUSE.WERE.FUCKING.AMAZING
see that sentence there? it's the understatement of the year. there are no words to describe the brilliance of that gig.
so me jim and tim got the train down to london (20 minutes late it was!) and i had to stand for quite a while. but then i got a seat so it was all good. and er, it was pretty uneventful, we got to london, then got the tube to embankment, then another to earl's court. i don't know what i was worried about, the tube is fucking cool. then we found the venue and i got excited. and we walked past someone who was saying muse a lot so i shouted muse :D
then we found our way to the travel inn, jimothy's map reading skills are amazing. our rooms weren't quite ready so we hung out in the restaurant drinking tea. so hardxcore. then they were ready and we got to them, me and jimothy shard a bed... er... room, tim had the single one. although he was in our room quite a lot. then we just hung out some more, i rang jade and shouted muuuuuuuuuuuuse down the phone.
then about 6-ish we left for earl's court. i got some chips from macdonalds cos i'd only had a fajita and banana all day. then we got there, i walked all the way round the seating queue which was moving quite fast so it was ok, thing is i didn't know it was the seating queue till i got to the front. then i had to go to the standing queue, and that went the entire length of the building, then when you got inside you had to walk the entire length to get to the standing arena. soulwax were already on when i got there, they weren't bad i guess. however before i went into the standing bit, i bought this really cool tshirt from the merch stall. but when i tried it on over my tshirt it was a bit tight, but i just thought maybe that was because i had my tshirt on. then i went and stood next to the sound desk watching soulwax. when they finished i went and bought ANOTHER tshirt, but i bought a large this time because medium was obviously too small, and that's strange as i am a medium. then i went into the toilets and tried on the first one, but it was definitely far too small. so i tried to exchange it for a large but they only did medium or small so i changed it for a different one, which was really cool, they didn't have to let me. i was very appreciative of that.
so yea, then i went and watched the zutons, next to the sound desk, and after they finished, i gradually made my way further forward, because i was feeling brave.
then all of a sudden... down go the lights... lots of screaming... chris and dom came on stage and started jamming, and there were two big screens either side of the stage... and matt bellamy had a camera connected to these, and was running round the venue filming people. he went right across the front of the crowd, that must of been very squashed in there. poor fools. then he went on stage and i think he played his guitar for a second, then chris started playing the bass line for hysteria... then lots of guitar scraping... then a lil drum roll, and i was jumping around like a two year old :D :D i rang jade at the end of hysteria to let her hear it. i'm so nice.
when they played citizen erased, loads of clouds were projected onto the back of the stage when it got to the piano bit, the effect it created was simply beautiful. then when they played the small print, matt had a really cheap ibanez guitar. at the end of the song, he took it off, started swinging it round his head, then he threw it across the stage, then he threw it into the crowd :D :D :D hahaha it was so funny! oooo and when they played newborn, they finished the first verse, and then they held back the super-cool heavy guitar riff for ages, the tension it built was incredible, i screamed :D
time is running out was dead cool, i rang jade for the whole of that song, how nice am i? when it got to the build up to the first chorus, matt just played his guitar and let the crowd sing it :D then just EVERYONE was jumping to the chorus, it was fucking orgasmic. then when they finished i screamed down the phone, and on msn i asked jade if she had heard me scream... and apparently her whole family had heard me :D oh well :D then they played plug in baby and bliss, then went off stage. then they came back and played dead star and micro cuts. and i was like yay, stockholm syndrome next. but then... they went off. and i was almost in tears. i was literally on the verge of breaking down and crying. i thought they weren't going to play it! but then they came back and played apocalypse please. then matt said "thanks for coming today, what can we say? merry christmas!" and we all screamed :D then i was praying they would play stockholm syndrome... and they did... and i went from being on the verge of tears, to being on the verge of multiple orgasms. and then they did lots of jamming at the end, and i caught some tickertape.
then i went outside and found jimothy and tim straight away, which was amazing, i thought i would never find them. i hugged jimothy. i was so high. then we went back to our hotel rooms. thing with the travel inn, was that the entrance was on one side of the road, and most of the rooms were the other side. and when you go in, you have to go up some stairs, and through a walkway to get across the road. and as luck would have it, the roof of this walkway was right below our window. and me and jimothy got tim to climb out of the window and stand on the roof :D :D :D he was actually standing on it, but still half in the window as he couldn't get all the way out.
then i was EVENTUALLY allowed to go to bed, and i slept right through, best nights sleep in a long time. however jimothy woke up several times. awww. big hug.
london the next day was brilliant, i take back what i said about hating it. i'll post about that some other time though, i can't be arsed now.
i think i need phsyciatric help for my matt bellamy obsession. |
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